God, like Ming the Merciless, was big on plagues. Egypt had to endure ten of them:

1. rivers and other water sources turned to blood killing all fish and other water life.
2. amphibians
3. lice or gnats
4. beasts or flies
5. disease on livestock
6. unhealable boils
7. hail mixed with fire
8. locust
9. darkness
10. death of the first-born of all Egyptian families.

I particularly like ‘hail mixed with fire’, that should stop Flash… but the problem I have is that they are all a little, well, old Testament.

We know that God is keeping up with the times – The Vatican recently released the Ten commandments for drivers, and a new, modern set of the traditional ones have been cast – so why wouldn’t the plagues be updated too?

I’m no pontiff though, so I’ll only start the ball rolling with plague number 1 – Intermittent connection to the internet – I’ll add to the list as we find them.

God, as usual, depicted with beard